My daughter puts her arms around me, her soft brown eyes and cry. Her rounded belly and motherly curves rest against me, and for a moment I choke up. She is pregnant with a girl baby whose middle name will be a joy like mine. It will be my first grand-daughter, and my second grandchild.
I got the name of the joy of my great-grandmother, Blanche, the mother of my grandmother Lulu, who has spent much of his childhood living with Blanche's mother. When Lulu was a young woman, she abandoned her daughter Josephine. Josephine left me when I was four years old, leaving me with his mother. What heritage?
When I look at my daughter, I see images of my foremothers in my mind, my beautiful but heartless mother, my intelligent, rule-breaking-grandmother. I remember their terrible fights and broken dishes that went flying when my mother came to visit, and I think my grandmother's deathbed, where there is forgiveness between them. I think my mother did not want anybody to know that the child, and as I tried to win her love until she died.
I was able to break the chains of loneliness, but I still carry my memories of these passionate but disturbed woman whose genes I carry. I am the last remaining witness to know and remember this heritage. We are the first mother-daughter generation to hug, kiss, talk over our disagreements, apologize, forgive, and loving relationship. For that I thank every day.
My grandmother and mother did not want any grandchildren. My children are not welcomed, and my mother clearly several times saw their children, they keep their identity a secret too. Its going to poison my children woke me how cruel and heartless she was. Over the years, I had to adjust to her rejection of me, but when I saw her teach their children not to call her grandmother, and to lie with the people in her apartment about her identity, I snapped. I've never tried to get her to accept us again after that. I had to accept the fact that she never would.
This is another sample. When my grandmother received the telegram announcing my birth, she threw aside, saying: "So, the brat was born." Later, she was raised to me, but feeling that I lived on the verge of social acceptance and family settled deep in my bones.
My story is just one such story on this subject-mother-child abandonment. There are many thousands of such stories in the world, people who were abandoned as children. On my book tour not Call Me Mother-breaking chain of mothers and daughters of Abandonment, people listen with tears in my eyes when I read about loss and loneliness that I felt as a child, and they cheer me on what I read as I struggled to find themselves and create a better life. When they come to me after telling me that I said part of his story, I understand the tears of my childhood losses that can cure hearing more stories. It is gratifying to see that I can use the painful parts of my life to give others hope about creating a life of meaning and joy despite deep early wounds.
If you recognize your story on my own, here are some suggestions of healing
Healing Abandonment
1 Remind yourself of these things.
a. This is not your fault
b. The child is not bad
c. Your mother may not have realized how deeply it affected you
D. You deserve love
2 . Make the joy and beauty in your life now.
a. Gather the support of friends and loved ones around you
b. Feed yourself good food, and treat your body, and
C. Give yourself a birthday celebration and moments of
D. Create your own family, whether your children or friends who adopted as his new family
e appreciate each day as it develops
3 . Get the help you need to heal your wounds
a. Find a therapist who believes that the past influences the present and can help you work through the
b. Write your story-from the point of view all the way through
c. Illustration of a story with family photos
D. After you write your story, write the story of his mother's life. Research your life the best you can. This illustration with photographs.
4 . Use visualization, meditation and prayer to get in touch with the life you want to live, and a blessing to my life
a. Meditate in the tranquil setting every day for at least 10 minutes
b. Read books that inspire you to love and accept yourself
c. Share your recovery story
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