Grief and Guilt - Work on the First, Dump the Second

I had a feeling of guilt after four loved ones had died within nine months. My oldest daughter was the first family member to die, and although she and her twins came to dinner every Sunday, I wanted to have spent more time with her​​.

Two days after he died my father in law died. He had dementia and caring for it becomes increasingly difficult. I had mixed feelings. While I wish I had done more for him, I was pleased I did. Four months after his death, my brother died. His death was a double blow, because we were estranged for 10 years. I mourned his death and the time we lose.

Well, I just feel guilty, I had a false sense of four times. Believe me, the sadness is quite difficult to travel without feeling guilty. Grief counselor Phyllis M. Hansen, MSW, addresses the guilt in his article "Is Grief Work?" The work, according to Hansen, and you can find hope again doing it. Her article contains 10 tasks of grief work and is one win guilty feelings. "If only I had ... sadness games are non-productive, " he says, because "out of proportion" to reality.

Carol R. Doss, Ph.D. describes the web of guilt in family counseling article "Guilt - pointless?" It defines guilt as "a sense of responsibility or remorse for some offense." Guilt is not one-size-fits-all emotions, according to Doss, and "it is intended that part makes this feel so problematic ."

did not take me long to realize that guilt is not helpful. I could go back in time and repeat questions, nor can you. The only option is to get on with life. Or, as Doss said: "Some non-productive guilt goes ..." You and I have the mental strength to confront guilt, nature, and apply this energy to other things.

When I'm guilty of thinking about my brother, I balanced them with a humorous ones, like the time my mother drove to the front porch. Until that moment, she's doing pretty well with her ​​driving lessons. He was not injured and there was no porch, but we felt the force of the collision. My brother opened the door and called, "Did you knock?" Only he would come to the line like that!

"guilt ... only if ... What if?" an article on the web Treatment of heart. Many mourners have guilt feelings, the article says, a "guilt is not usually satisfied with the explanations." You can spend hours looking for explanations and not feel better. A better approach is to "get" guilty before they "get" you.

First, identify the feelings of guilt and accept them for what they are - part of grief. Focus on the happy, funny memories, like I did. Accept the fact that life will always have unanswered questions. Start intellectually involved in hobbies, volunteer work, or classes will also help you to get rid of guilt. Instead of devoting energy of guilt, devote it to live a miracle in your life.

Copyright 2009 by Harriet Hodgson